Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Getting myself to believe that I'm not stupid.

I'm just mired in a thick, gooey mental morass. And there's no around to help me out of it. I dig and dig, but it doesn't seem to help.

I wonder if I'll ever get anywhere with this. It's making me sad.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Well, the sock is finished. It didn't really take that long, but an unexpected bill in my life forced me to concentrate on work instead of coding. I wanted to get at least one thing done that I set my mind to.

Now it's just trying to jump on this Angular train again. I've been looking for walkthroughs that might explain things a different way, so I don't end up in the "Why doesn't this work?!?" spot I was in earlier. The basics are easy enough, it's just everything else that makes a framework useful.

I'm a slow learner I guess. I need mentoring.

My Treehouse subscription will end next month. I haven't been into it these past two months as much because of trying to work and make a little more. It drained me for everything else. I'm so grateful for the chance they gave me to learn and practice. They seem to be making more community building tools on their site, so I hope that if/when I come back it will be better than ever. They'll keep my progress so I can jump back in at a later time. I they work in employment finding help into that mix.

I think I have enough of the basics under my belt that I can try to learn from other resources. It's probably not good to learn everything in one place, anyway. Hopefully it won't be like before. I know I need at least a little structure for me to get anywhere.

I'd like to sit through another intro to programming course, one of those Stanford or Harvard ones, because a lot of my roadblocks come from logic. Sometimes I just can't get the code right and I get stuck. Along with that I was thinking of reading an algorithms or design pattern type book, and read more code to see how others figure things out. I've done some reading, but I always feel like I'm about the cheat if I use it on a FCC project or something, so I've been abstaining.

At this point though, I shouldn't be so moral. I'm not taking trade secrets or anything. There's no rules and I won't get expelled for looking at someone's work.

And FCC chat doesn't seem to happen for me very much. Honestly, the time I've gone in there I've felt disconnected as fuck. It's either people talking way over my head or people are a little bit behind me. And someone jumps in to get their brownie points before I can help on a question.

I wonder if I have some sort of online stink or something people smell when I say hi. If it's because I don't show my face, that's because I have severe self-esteem issues and after a few minutes it's obvious I'm not a bot or anything. Isn't it?

That's it. I'm still alive and kicking. Real life problems just seem to take over when they're not wanted.

I still have dreams. Gotta have that.