Friday, April 17, 2015

Where the heck have I been?

I'll tell you.

In the doldrums, that's where.

It's not that I haven't been working and studying. It's just that things have gotten dead and dull and there wasn't a lot to actually share. I feel like I'm treading water. School is just a damn chore right now, and doing the Treehouse thing, but I've just felt like a zombie the past few months.

I'm also dealing with my weight loss plan. I've discovered these past few months that Amy doesn't lose weight gradually week by week. She has two and a half month plateaus where she's doing everything she's supposed to but the scale doesn't move. Then one day, out of the blue it does. Then it stops again, probably for another few months. It doesn't help that I had a really bad cold and cough for a month and couldn't work out without having a coughing fit. Luckily my appetite disappeared too, so I sort of balanced it out. But it it got me out of the habit of moving, and it's been hard to get back on that wagon, along with just feeling bleah.

I feel like the world is against me right now. I'm not sure what to do. It feel like I'm walking on a treadmill. I haven't found what it is I need for things to come together. Networking doesn't seem to work very well around here, on or offline. Well, offline there's no one to work with. People don't return my emails, conversation threads stop dead in their tracks. No support system for anything, health or education wise. I wish I could say fuck it and give up, but what do I have to fall back on? Nothing.

I just keep thinking about the day I live in a place that has dining options chain restaurants and bad Chinese buffet. I wonder how hick I'll look when I sink my teeth into Indian food again for the first time in X years. I wonder when I'll get to leave all of this behind.

I don't know. I keep going but I want to feel like I've moved forward. I'm not getting that right now. Maybe it will be like the weight loss, extremely slow but eventual progress. Except I don't really have time for that. I'm old (meaning over 35 because people are that shitty when it comes to age) and people like to not hire old people.

All this life I feel like I haven't lived yet, because of money. And I don't know if I'll ever get the chance.

Back to work for me, I guess.